I am a Dom.

For anyone who didn’t like my last post, you probably won’t like this one either. Be warned.

I am a sexual dominant. The male equivalent of a dominatrix. Dominator would be the correct term, except that that makes me sound like a comic book villain. It is my intention to do this professionally, and I am working toward that end as we speak. There is nothing illegal, unethical, nor, in my opinion, immoral about the practice (at least in Canada as of this date), and I intend to help keep it that way through open discussion on public media such as this blog (How’s that for a political statement?).

Why do it professionally? Why not just keep it private? I don’t just do what I do for my own kicks. I like to help people. As I said in my last post, kink isn’t necessarily about sex. Some people need to give up control, even if only temporarily, and they need a safe way to do it. I’m good at accepting that control in order to give people what they need, but not necessarily what they want. I can be a tyrant, and I am empathetic enough to know when I’m reaching a limit before I get there. I care, and I know what it’s like to have needs which you are afraid to admit to anyone, even to yourself.

For years I thought I was a bad person because of some of the things I thought about. I’ve had fantasies about all manner of things which I thought were evil. Years later, I am still dealing with the havoc which considering myself an evil person has wrought on my psyche, but I made important discoveries and distinctions about fantasy, reality, and consent (more on this later). My second wife was the first person to suggest that it might be okay for me to be myself, and to express myself. Now, on the eve of our parting, I am finally doing just that.

Thank you sweetie. I’m sorry it won’t work out for us, but I’m grateful for the lessons you’ve taught me.

Being a Dom is more about the other person than it is about you. Are you ready for a big secret? A Dom has to submit. A Dom has to give over their own desires and see to the needs of their sub, and if the sub has had enough, the Dom stops. A good Dom does, anyway.

The key to a Dom/sub relationship is trust. The sub has to trust the Dom, the Dom has to trust the sub, and they must trust themselves. If the Dom has no faith in his own abilities, nor confidence that he can give the sub what they need, then the partnership will be unstable, and the safety of both is at risk. "A wise man does not build his house on sand, but on a rock." The Dom must serve as that rock in order to be worthy of accepting the gift of submission.

This isn’t the last I’ll be writing on this subject, just a brief intro.

Thanks for reading,


-Step.