I am a Kinkster.

As of the date of this writing, there has been some degree of publicity about the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. There are many opinions of these books including that they are trash, pornography, poorly written, hot, etc. Much of the outcry against the books seems to have come from the fetish community itself.

People either seem to think that the portrayal of kink is a skewed one, or that these books have unjustly become big hits while many better titles remain unknown.

I, for my part, enjoyed the series. I may tell you more about what I enjoyed, and what I didn’t, in a later blog post, but for now I just want to use it as a starting point.

The one undeniable boon which the series has paid to the kink world is bringing it into the social consciousness. We’re out there, and now that people know we’re out there, and that 'normal' people can enjoy a look into our world, we have a chance to set the record straight.

Time for some technical terms.

A Kink is anything a person might use to spice up their sex lives. Something not specifically sexual which turns them on or can enhance their sexual experience. A few examples of kinks are Sensory Deprivation (ie. blindfolding), Bondage (having the hands or other parts bound or tied), and Voyarism/Exhibitionism (watching or being watched doing something, usually naughty).

A Fetish is something without which a person can not experience sexual arousal. Technically, having a fetish is unhealthy and may negatively impact every day life.

In common parlance, the terms are used interchangeably, and that can lead to some confusion. Kinks aren’t bad things, and as long as all parties are consenting adults, I don’t believe anyone should be able to say boo about whatever you want to do in the bedroom.

There is a formula which we in the community use. That formula is Safe, Sane, and Consensual. If you can keep things Safe, Sane, and Consensual, then what’s the problem? Now, some people might argue about what is Safe, Sane, and Consensual, but that’s for the individual to decide. If extreme sports such as alpine skiing and skydiving are deemed safe enough to practice, then a little controlled danger in the bedroom is no one else’s business.

I’ve been writing up to this point under the assumption that what we’re talking about is sexual, but for some people that isn’t even true. Some people have other motives for taking up alternative lifestyles, and I may cover that at a later date. For now, consider that just because something isn’t your thing doesn’t necessarily mean it’s wrong.

Thanks for reading,


-Step.